Thursday, March 6, 2014

What no one told me

When you have a sick child no one tells you how hard it will be. No one tells you how hard you will have to fight to get things for your child,things that she needs, but things that no parent ever wants. They don't tell you how hard it is to do what's best for your baby, even when it hurts her. There is nothing that can prepare you for the overwhelming sadness that hits at inconvenient times, like when you almost burst into tears at the grocery store. I'm amazed at how tired I am some days. I'm surprised by the frustration of trying so hard convince people, doctors, nurses, pharmacists, and strangers that they need to help her. I've become a germaphobe, not because I am afraid of illness, but because of what I'm afraid of what it will do to Fiona. Sometimes I wish for an easy solution. I'm sad and discouraged when tests come back normal. I don't want her to be sick, I just want to find an answer, a solution, anything. I've become an advocate. I ask millions of questions, and research everything. I can't imagine life without her. She's worth it all.

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